A moment to breathe, swallow hard, trying to deflect the painful ink-blots of memory that come leaking through, unbidden. Burning in the corners of his eyes. He shouldn't be thinking anything like that, directly after the guy fucking floored him with a hard tackle, the pair of them skidding in the leaves, and nearly choked the truth out of him with hands wrapped around his throat. What kind of person does that make him, when he can look at all the shit Jay's done and think, well, no big deal?
Maybe it's the fact that Jay simply never meant any of it. Like he doesn't quite know how to gauge his actions when they don't occur strictly in a vacuum. Like he doesn't anticipate there being consequences, doesn't anticipate being the sort of person that matters enough for something like that to effect lasting weight.
Up to and including the way it all ended.
It takes several moments of breathing, of breathing, through his nose and in and out in shaky spurts before he can ease the trembling in his fingers.]
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A moment to breathe, swallow hard, trying to deflect the painful ink-blots of memory that come leaking through, unbidden. Burning in the corners of his eyes. He shouldn't be thinking anything like that, directly after the guy fucking floored him with a hard tackle, the pair of them skidding in the leaves, and nearly choked the truth out of him with hands wrapped around his throat. What kind of person does that make him, when he can look at all the shit Jay's done and think, well, no big deal?
Maybe it's the fact that Jay simply never meant any of it. Like he doesn't quite know how to gauge his actions when they don't occur strictly in a vacuum. Like he doesn't anticipate there being consequences, doesn't anticipate being the sort of person that matters enough for something like that to effect lasting weight.
Up to and including the way it all ended.
It takes several moments of breathing, of breathing, through his nose and in and out in shaky spurts before he can ease the trembling in his fingers.]
i got him killed.